"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
