I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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