my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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