you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
