I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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