it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
