they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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