nut hugger
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
4 words: hood of his car
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
