You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
