I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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