Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
