It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
