you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
