True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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