did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
