I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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