biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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