Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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