dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
either way he was missing a nipple.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
