he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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