remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
