Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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