Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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