Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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