One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
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