From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
