Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
