I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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