these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
