My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
