Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
