There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
