Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
