my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize