Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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