Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
