Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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