But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
