I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
