Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
