he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You are the jesus of drinking
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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