She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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