Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just took my morning after pill in the library
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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