oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
