I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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