please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
