well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
