ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
