Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Say something about gay babies.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
