not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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