don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
