i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
