Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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