I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I've blown a few things in my day
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
