I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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