I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
