Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
