so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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