From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
