dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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