she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
