is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
