There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
