hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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