What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I will be naked everywhere
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
